Well … thankfully they aren’t up here, but if you’re from Florida or have been “lucky enough” to visit during certain times of the year … the pest of the day (month and year) is the nefarious Love Bug.  This winged menace swarms twice a year, May and September, and they get their name by virtue (?) of the fact they are joined together.  You rarely see a single Love Bug.  They prefer the long grasses that border highways and long lonesome stretches of road and will absolutely plaster your car with a thick sheet of bug guts.

It gets worse.

If you don’t wash the bug remains from your car, some mysterious acid component of their bodies will actually eat away at the paint.  I’ve seen semi’s with their windows and grills so completely coated with love bugs that the original paint of the vehicle is a mystery.  Car washes will come out with “Love Bug” specials.  People will actively avoid driving certain stretches of road, or driving altogether if they can help it, until the swarms have passed.  They’re a right menace and a part of Florida that I really don’t miss!

via Daily Prompt: Pest

A co-worker made an interesting observation when I was grousing about the existential crisis I seemed to be going through.  We were talking about the stages and changes of life.  I was lamenting the fact I seemed to be poised on the edge of something but didn’t know what the something was.  There seemed to be a change coming, but what kind?

“Maybe you haven’t had many changes lately.” my co-worker commented.  “Maybe your next change is no change.”

The thought stopped me in my mental tracks.  No change?

No.

Change.

Really?  I was completely surprised by the idea.  Is it possible?

Life is change, or so the popular platitude goes.  And, truthfully, it is … everything is always changing.  Sometimes – most of the time – on a scale we see and interact with, but sometimes it’s slow and off to the side.

I have issues with change.  Basically, in a nutshell, I don’t like it.  Stability is my middle name (or would be if it wasn’t Elisabeth).  But when nothing changes, things begin to stagnate.  Life becomes stale.  As much as I gripe about change, it is the breath of life.  It’s what propels us forward.  It’s just that, much of the change I’ve experienced has been on the traumatic and life upending side.

Psychologist will tell you the most significant changes include getting divorced, job loss, major illness, death, and moving.  There are more, of course, but those are the ones I’m focused on because I ran through those five in a relatively short period of time.  After a while, I felt like a tennis ball between the Williams sisters.  Change was really slamming me around.  One particularly strong lob landed me in Northern Virginia where the “fun” continued.

I was living in a hotel with my two dogs, one of which became mysteriously ill and died after racking up medical bills approaching $10,000 (not an exaggeration) , and six weeks into my new job, the contract I moved up to work on changed companies which meant I’d soon be unemployed again!

Is it any wonder the word “change” does not fill me with positive vibes?

Amazingly (to me) I landed on my feet.  The company who won the contract offered me a job and I found a place to live.  My surviving dog adjusted to life without skipping a beat.  But, true to life, the changes continued.  I’ve had further career modifications but am still with the same company.  I’ve lost one dog to cancer, but adopted another.

Even as God as looked out for me (a concept I’m still struggling with, and the subject for another blog), I find myself constantly on alert.  Always on the lookout for the slightest hint of change and convinced that doing so will protect me from a nasty surprise.

Ha!

It doesn’t work like that.  Constantly being on guard doesn’t protect you from anything.  It may, some small percent of the time, give you a little bit of a heads up – but the majority of the time it is spent on the lookout for nothing.  Or worse, it might do the opposite, blinding you to opportunities right in front of you.  Being, as I am, so fixated on what could be coming around the corner, who knows what I walk right by?

Actually, it’s been a couple of days since my first post.  No hits yet, but I would be pretty surprised if anyone had found it so soon.  Guess it takes time to “be discovered”.  In the meantime, I shall continue to write, ponder, observe, and record …

Still looking for the mojo but I had a better day with the mindset “fake it ’till you make it’ … of course, it’s hard to sustain and is best suited for bursts of activity.  I recalled a few weeks spent with a personal organizer (I will find her name and post a link to her site, as she was amazing!) while staring at a stack of magazines and catalogues.  There’s something to tackle with relative ease.  Or so I thought.

A tendency to collect things runs in the family – and when you’re into arts and crafts, collecting is that much easier to justify.  I might use (fill in the blank) for (fill in the blank) or (fill in the blank) gives me an idea to (fill in the blank).  So, an innocent stack of magazines and catalogues became a real soul searching task and … God, it’s hard to let go.  I don’t mean of things, although it is or I wouldn’t be in this internal struggle, no – I mean of the idea behind the thing.  For years I have been trying to learn French.  I’ve taken classes, hired a private tutor, tried computer programs, bought all kinds of books and CDs … and know barely more than when I started.  As I stared down at the pile of magazines (half of them in French), I had to acknowledge the truth of the current situation … I am not going to be studying French at this point in time.  I’m just not, and I’m tired of pretending.  So, like ripping off a band aide, I took all the French magazines, the CDs and books and put them in a “donate” pile.

Instantly, I felt … lighter.  Buoyed up from the murky depths of clutter by this sudden jettison of weight.  Granted, it was just a stack of magazines, catalogues and books … but the psychological impact was huge.  I might have even felt a bit of the missing mojo, ever so faintly, like a sailboat on the horizon.  Almost imperceptible to the naked eye, but it’s there and that gives me hope.

My first blog.  Pardon me if I seem a little nervous … but, you see, I’ve been  troubled by something lately and I’ve chosen it as the theme of this blog.

“Where’s my mojo?”

Maybe it’s something you’ve struggled with, maybe you have some advice or are just wondering if anyone else has the same problem.

I don’t know when or how it happened, but I seem to have lost my mojo.  You know, that thing that inspires, motivates, moves the spirit … that nebulous thing that runs through our life and gets us out of bed in the morning.  Not work, which is that thing (unless you’re too rich to work) that we have to get up and do … sometimes willingly, sometimes grudgingly, many times with the promise “the weekend is almost here!” No, I’m talking about motivation, interest, passion … that thing that moves us from the couch and the tv to go for a bike ride, a kayak trip, to work on a project of some kind.  It’s what drives us to invest in hobbies, and it’s where my mojo used to live.  Artists will refer to “it” as the muse – that spirt of creation that drives one to paint or draw or write or whatever medium one has chosen.

A short bit of back story:  I’m of a certain age where, if I were a man, the old “mid-life crisis” explanation might rear its stereotypical head.  I know this much, they’re not restricted to men.  Women have them too.  Maybe that’s what’s happened to me?  After years of going through the standard routine: college, first job, subsequent jobs, establishing a career – I find myself feeling one overwhelming and persistent thought:

Now what?

I’m still a decade plus away from retirement, so the work thing still demands attention – but at the end of the day, when I’ve come home … there’s that thought

Now what?

The hobbies of a lifetime are scattered around me like so many Christmas presents.  Played with obsessively, to the exclusion of all else, and now discarded and gathering dust.  The problem isn’t what to do, it’s why do it?