Things I’d like to tell my ex …

IMG_3971 - Version 3If you have an ex … likely there are things you’d like him or her to know … without actually talking to them face to face.  It’s like, you want to tell an intermediate friend who you know will tell your ex.  That way, the ex will find out how fabulous your life is without you having to actually talk to them.

What I have is a predicament … on one hand I want my ex to know how well I’m doing but at the same time I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I want him to know.  Wait, what?

We were a good match on the surface, but as that sort of thing goes, reality is a different situation.  He turned out, over time, to be a bully.  He was the king of passive/aggressive, a master of the sly insult.  He was the child of two alcoholic parents, an air force brat, demanding as hell and impossible to please.  We stayed married for almost 12 years because I took “in good times and bad … forsaking all others … until death do you part” seriously.  It never dawned on me to seek solace from anyone but my partner … to bad my partner didn’t share my monogamous ideas.

That was then and this is now.  I’ve been divorced for more years than I was married and, for the most part, don’t give my ex much thought.  Still, every now and then, like an unwanted ghost from the past, his shadow falls across my thoughts.  Living well is supposed to the best revenge, but knowing the other person knows you’re living well feels even better.  It falls under the category of karma … while you may understand that karma will get a person back eventually, it’s icing on the cake if you get to see it happen.

In the grand scheme of my life since, he is a ghost with no power.  As Carly Simon sang in “You’re so Vain” … “you gave away thing things you loved and one of them was me”

Your loss.


Both sides …

Now that I’ve joined the ranks of the cyclist commuter, a couple of things have become blindingly apparent.  Okay, it’s only been two weeks, but if these things are so obvious after only two weeks … it begs the question, how could they have been missed in the first place?

Simple.  Unless you’ve been in the other situation, you’re just oblivious to it.  Cars and bikes are to each other like cats and dogs.  They glare at each other at best and do battle at worst. It’s a scary enough standoff in the daylight, but in the wee small hours of the morning … the stuff of nightmares.

Drivers, I’m talking to you now.  There’s this thing called a cross-walk, and a walk light that will periodically indicate it’s safe to cross.  It’s called the right of way, and when you are trying to make a right turn on a red light, odds are the person in the crosswalk has the right of way and is preparing to cross the likely busy road.  Please, for the love of all that you hold dear, LOOK before making that right turn!  Twice last week, at one intersection, cars blew right past me even though I’d begun to venture into the crosswalk with the right of way on my side.  I may have been in the right, but when a 3,000 pound vehicle meets a 40 pound bike … the outcome is pretty easy to calculate.

The rate of fatalities of cyclist has been increasing, on average, since 2001.  In 2016, the officially reported number was over 800.  This is an average of several websites I researched.  Injuries are in the thousands.  A cyclist I know was clobbered by a car making a quick left turn, resulting in several broken ribs and a concussion.  He was lucky.

This is my new fear of the day.  There are two places on my commute to work where I have to cross particularly dangerous roads – both have a crosswalk, but neither have cross walk lights and so I have to wait for a lull, and dash across.  Technically speaking, people, if you come up to a crosswalk and there is someone in it, you BY LAW, have to stop!  This is, apparently, an unknown fact to a majority of the drivers out there.  The result is now I cycle and sprint to work, arrive sweaty and without the need for any kind of caffeine or other stimulant!

There is a plus side to this bike car equation.  It’s making me a better driver.  I’m keenly aware of cyclist, especially at intersections.  I look at more than just other cars, and the biggest pet peeve of the cyclist – when pulling up to the light, I stop short of the cross walk instead of on it.

It only takes a few seconds to make that extra visual check … and, it may just make a cyclists’ day a little safer.  Just think of it this way, a cyclist is one less car on the road and therefore one less car you might get stuck behind!  We’re helping to alleviate the crowded roads, so think on us kindly and please, don’t run us over!