More than a year has passed since I’ve even remotely felt like writing.  That’s too bad, really, because so much has happened worth writing about.  Many psychologist, psychiatrist, therapists and others have often mentioned the cathartic power of writing, how helpful to the soul under the best of circumstances.  This past year would have to climb out of the pits of hell to reach the lowest rungs of the worst of circumstances … the best of circumstances are, as of the moment, barely a blip on the horizon.

For the past four years, I’ve held my breath, politically speaking.  Four years of being on guard, emotionally and mentally, waiting for the next repulsive thought to come pouring out of the idiot trump’s mouth.  Four years cringing in the embarrassment and shame of that man-child representing us to the world.  Four years of praying our democracy would be able to withstand the relentless onslaught of lies, invitations to meddle by foreign powers, of stacking the system with good old white boys.  Four years of watching the slow and seemingly unstoppable erosion of women’s rights, attacks on the LGBTQ community, on minorities … as though watching the Colorado River forming the Grand Canyon in fast forward.  

The echo of what I remembered as hope flickered into life when Democrats won back the House.  But I dared not relax for fear that hope would be crushed under the weight of alternative facts.

Then, finally, election time … the big one, for all the marbles … a return to sanity and adults in charge.  I dared not think of the worst case scenario.  When, some days later, the election was called for Biden/Harris … I actually ran out into the street, yelling and jumping for joy. Literally, crying and screaming Hallelujah.  Many of my neighbors joined me.  We hugged, high-fived, waved our “Biden/Harris” banners and … felt the beginnings of that long lost sensation … peace.  Calm.  Sweet relief.  Maybe it was finally over, we prayed. Four years of watching our democracy being shredded was over.

But …

No.  There would be repercussions.  I knew this for four years … like a bully towards the subjugated … any attempt for freedom would be swiftly and surely punished.  The white boy establishment having gone unchecked for four years, would not let their power go without a fight.  And fight they did.  On January 6th, they attempted a coup. Watching the invasion of the capitol, I felt sick inside.  Horrified.  Numb.  Raw.

It would only get worse. 

Sure, arrests were made.  Thanks in large part to the stunning stupidity of those involved and the lure of bragging on social media.  If the reason wasn’t so shocking, the “coming to Jesus” moment of several republicans would have been laughable.  But, the half-life of republican remorse is apparently shorter than the 5 second rule of a dropped cookie.  Not even this made a difference, not a physical attack on our nation’s capital, not a mob that beat and ultimately killed, not when there was so very little between them and violence … none of that, ultimately, mattered.  

There aren’t sufficient words to describe the depth and completeness of my disgust – that mob, the people that egged them on, the people finding excuses or justifications, and especially for the loathsome and contemptible, the pathetic and despicable shadow of a man feeding and fueling the fire burning in his repulsive honor.  

No more.  I will no longer make an attempt to understand, to meet halfway, or to catch more flies with honey.   The republican party seems hell bent to rewrite history according to the twisted mind of their equally twisted leader. They have sunk to depths unimaginable, and it’s time for everyone to choose. Regardless of your political affiliation or leanings, above all you either stand for democracy or not. You either abide by the lawful will of the people or you don’t. To stamp one’s foot and call the other side liars and cheats, to refuse anyone else as the winner is behavior usually associated with children, and not tolerated even then.  

This is not an honest mistake by the republicans, or now the party of trump.  They are attempting to overturn democracy at best and instigate a dictatorship at worst.  To be indifferent is to court acceptance and to accept is to throw away everything for which this country stands.